useless

terasa ketidakpandaian kemelampauan bila nak buat projek etp ni. macam semua benda aku tak tau. what have i been studying for the past two years. I DONT KNOW. hate it.

them

have this two good friends, erm better call them adik2 kot. great friend of mine. always be there when i'm up and down. pretty sure will miss them a lot when going for internship next year. thx for being a good listener, bullies, troller of mine. hewhew.

father's day

i've never celebrated father's day or mother's day before. I started to celebrate and expressed it after high school. Usually during high school i just call ibu or ayah and say Happy Fathers/Mothers Day. Eversince i've grown up, kitorg adik beradik start to celebrate it. But it was too late. Ayah is not with us anymore. How i wish i can say to him how much i love him and how meaningful his presence.

happy fathers day, ayah. thank you for make me always ur favourite princess. Al-Fatihah

etp

almost week 5. i hope our project will going smoothly. seriously. worried with a lot of things. macam mana kalau tak jadi? :( hmm, hmm. and how come an electrical eng-to-be have to do project designing? should change course i think. hewhew.

others group seems have progressed well. some of them had bought their materials. its okay, we'll do it soon. all iz well.

my budak gemuk going back home this week. tak aciii. nak balik jugak.

can we talk?

rindu nak berbual2

but i undrstnd

if u dont want to.

tc

.

its been knocked. for sure.

but doesnt mean anything. yet.

she did it! :)

ohoi, my little budak gemuk is going to egypt soon. i'll miss u a lot budak gemuk. you have to be very independent there. thats will make you a grown up lady. just like me. hewhew. no, you have to learn and face everything by yourself. ibu cakap you have been in a comfort zone. got license tapi tak berani bawak kereta. you cannot manage all your application form. nak kena tunggu kena marah baru jalan. and awak tak reti masak. hikhik. well, eventhough aku pun takde la pandai mana, tapi aku tau at least aku reti la masak yang simple2 kan. hikhik.

just to let you know, i'm proud of you. eventhough i didnt get the opportunity to fly like you did, but its okay. at least someone manage to fly. no more drama air mata okay? hugs and love; xoxo

?

u know how is the feeling when everyone who knows the story of u and the other person stares at u like u have killed someone?

u know how is the feeling when everyone seems to blame u although they heard nothing from your side?

u know how is the feeling when everyone also being in the awkward and tense moment although it suppose to be between u and the other person?

u know how is the feeling when u are afraid to the other person just like a few people that afraid to the other person?

u know how is the feeling when u have to accept all the shoots and provoke from everyone and the other person, perhaps?

u know how is the feeling when u have to pretend nothing happened but it did happen?

i dont mind if these happens between me and the other person, but it gives impact to me  when everyone who knows and 'sibuk jaga tepi kain orang' put their hands in. i'm not running from reality in fact i'm always choose to be honest to the people that close in my life. but, when i feel insecure, unsafe, afraid there will be no room for me to stand and fight for myself. cuz i just dont feel secure.

yes, i hurt the other person. yes, i dont consider the other person's feeling. yes, i'm a bad girl. yes, please put the blame on me. silakan.

i was planning to ask the other person out for breakfast last monday. but when he shows 'a word response from a question' i stopped. i'm afraid. ain is stronger to face this. if she can face a bigger musibah 3 years ago, she should be fine with this.

take a deep breath and smile :)

so long, fare thee well

the dancer and the dancing days have taken leave and fell

so turn down this bed on stone

quench me with the deadly nightshade from the rose that you belong

the long december rain is falling down

running down on streets to nowhere

music is my life you're my sweetest nightingale

but i can't hear it here no more

and i go

i go

hush now don't shake or break

words have fallen silent like soldiers to the grave

no matter what they do or say

lay me on the sleepy meadow by the tracks upon your face