?

u know how is the feeling when everyone who knows the story of u and the other person stares at u like u have killed someone?

u know how is the feeling when everyone seems to blame u although they heard nothing from your side?

u know how is the feeling when everyone also being in the awkward and tense moment although it suppose to be between u and the other person?

u know how is the feeling when u are afraid to the other person just like a few people that afraid to the other person?

u know how is the feeling when u have to accept all the shoots and provoke from everyone and the other person, perhaps?

u know how is the feeling when u have to pretend nothing happened but it did happen?

i dont mind if these happens between me and the other person, but it gives impact to me  when everyone who knows and 'sibuk jaga tepi kain orang' put their hands in. i'm not running from reality in fact i'm always choose to be honest to the people that close in my life. but, when i feel insecure, unsafe, afraid there will be no room for me to stand and fight for myself. cuz i just dont feel secure.

yes, i hurt the other person. yes, i dont consider the other person's feeling. yes, i'm a bad girl. yes, please put the blame on me. silakan.

i was planning to ask the other person out for breakfast last monday. but when he shows 'a word response from a question' i stopped. i'm afraid. ain is stronger to face this. if she can face a bigger musibah 3 years ago, she should be fine with this.

take a deep breath and smile :)

so long, fare thee well

the dancer and the dancing days have taken leave and fell

so turn down this bed on stone

quench me with the deadly nightshade from the rose that you belong

the long december rain is falling down

running down on streets to nowhere

music is my life you're my sweetest nightingale

but i can't hear it here no more

and i go

i go

hush now don't shake or break

words have fallen silent like soldiers to the grave

no matter what they do or say

lay me on the sleepy meadow by the tracks upon your face

melt

am i consuming too much sugar lately?

hmm, too much watching dramas i guess

after all, that was such a good drama

way better than korean drama

cuz the best one are still malay drama

something that really close to our lifestyle

M E L T

ignore this cheesy post

post from someone

that consume too much sugar

at late night

and cant sleep

twenty-forth day holiday

waah. its been a month holiday. i realize one thing. i spent too much time at tronoh with all my friends. and yes i miss them. miss lepak with them, having friends to talk with, gossiping. i mean it. everything. well, i've to go back to utp last wednesday and yet i think that was super duper exciting!

thanks to mr director of robocon 2012 for picking me up at post guard, i think that thursday was perfect. having breakfast with best friend at salam. lunch with all robocon members including advisor. seeing all those members make me happy. like seriously happy because i knew they are part of my life :) i know i miss them. even the advisor was there, i kept chatting with them like months havent seen them. well, as usual, 'membebel' to them is part of myself too. hee

the happy moment stops for a while. may'10 results was officially announced on that thursday. nervous? gila kau tak takut. its all about my life kot. Alhamdulillah, the result wasn't good at all. i mean it. AT ALL. but what think that make me grateful enough is i passed signal and system. its gonna be my worst nightmare if i fail. thanks to my abang long for his strictness during revise that subject. :) have to study harder for next sem *okay, tu azam setiap sem sebenarnya* that evening, spending rest of the evening and MONEY as well at saloon with future rumate. i guess that was upag's hair-do day kot. back-to-back upag's he have to send including us. and dinner with new people.

night. meeting. its a meeting that i like. after 9 months, finally i met all the robocon seniors. well, i admit. miss to have a great conversation with frai and omar :) and now, they are back and here we are, having another GREAT conversation after a long time :) i miss ameeth too. and tipulah kan if tak nak lepak ameeth when u can be there. so, having a lepak time together with mr driver of the day, dehaq and future rumate. yeah, mamak also is another part of my life there.

as conclusion, i know that my university life consist of

FRIENDS

MAMAK

ROBOCON

SHOPPING

GOSSIP

KINTA CITY

TRAVELLING

CAR

however, the top rank is still FRIENDS.

till we meet again. gonna miss all the thing. agak terkilan since i cannot meet my abang long. he came too late. the most nice person to talk to :)

twenty-forth day ends

and

will be counting up

short but worth

(:

eighteenth day holiday

its been about 10 days i havent write anything. mungkin sibuk tolong ibu dengan paper-paper dia and aku pun tak sihat kebelakangan ni. demam panas and selesema. kalau kat utp demam aku boleh la lawan tapi bila dah kat rumah manja lebih la. hee.

taufik nak pmr esok. goodluck opik, 8A's kay? kak ain dengan kak dayah boleh dapat 9. kitorang mintak 8 je. hehe.

anyway nak tulis banyak tapi mata dah panas. i need to sleep so badan boleh kebah. goodnight :)

eighteenth day ends

and

will be counting up

miss everything

(:

eighth day holiday

fully housewife day. bangun hantar adik pergi sekolah. breakfast? setakat aku sorang makan roti pun dah kenyang. hehe. eleh, pastu sambung tidur. bangun-bangun baru la terhegeh-hegeh nak bayar bil broadband ngan credit card. zz. pukul 12 amek adik sebab pukul 12.30 ada open house. suke-suke sebab rumah tu besar, cantik. tapi takut la duduk rumah besar-besar. hee, makanan dia super duper best. main food biasa la. standard menu open house. yang best dessert dia. ad tiramisu, blueberry cheese cake, blueberry tart, fruit tart, chocolate moist cake, etc. hee, best kan? balik open house hantak si gemuk pergi sekolah agama then tidur. hee, hari ni rasa banyak sangat online and game la. tsk3. okie, nak pasang cadar. goodnite :)

eighth day ends

and

will be counting up

sleepy

(:

seventh day holiday

my housewife days begin. ibu pergi kl hari ni. so aku la yang bertanggungjawab jaga budak kecik gemuk ni hehe. sorry adik :)

7.00 hantar si gemuk pergi sekolah

8.30 hantar ibu pergi simpang renggam

9.30 sampai rumah. hasrat nak tidur semula. tiba-tiba dapat call dari mak uda ajak berbual. halamak potong stim. hehe. lepak kedai mak uda sampai pukul 11.

alih-alih dah pukul 1.30. nak kena amek si gemuk balik sekolah pulak. benda ni aku tak bagi tau siapa-siapa pun. time reverse avanza aq buleh terlanggar kancil. sumpah tak nampak. nasib baik pakcik tu baik. sorry pak cik. saya memang tak nampak. memang tak nampak. oh, mak ngah datang semalam. something happened. turun dari kereta je dia marah-marah kat driver dia. siapa tak takut kan bila tengok General Manager KPJ naik angin. driver dia pun bengap. nak pergi pontian sampai nak pusing lalu simpang renggam bagai apsal. pastu sampai 4 kali u-turn depan lorong rumah aku memang la mak ngah panas. dah jadi tak best kali ni mak ngah datang. yet she brings lot of foods. a lot. dah rasa macam duduk kat rumah dia dah. makan makanan dalam bekas. heat and reheat. huhu. anyway, thanks singgah rumah. kena tidur awal sebab nak hantar adik pergi sekolah :)

seventh day ends

and

will be counting up

don't mess with boss

(:

sixth day holiday

nothing much. sibuk kemas barang ibu nak pergi kl. tanda paper upsr. ibu tak okay sangat sebab dah tiga hari tak tidur. kesian dia. iron semua baju + tudung ibu, packing, ajar ibu guna laptop.

online. nengok tv. negngok tv. tidur. good thing is duduk rumah buat aini hamid kurang makan. seriously. hehe.

sixth day ends

and

will be counting up

sleep tight mummy

(: